Serialization of the WACKY MISADVENTURES of WARBLE McGORKLE - CHAPTER 0 (of 70)
Intro and First (Zeroeth) Chapter
CHAPTER 0
Intro and First/Zeroeth Chapter
NOTICE
Anyone trying to find logic in this tome will be mercilessly teased. Anyone looking for hidden meanings in this book will be banished to an asylum. Anyone searching for sense and/or sensibility in this novel will be suspended by their left ankle until they cry 'uncle.'
DISCLAIMER
No poodles were maimed, much less flattened, during the extensive research carried out in preparation for this scholarly work. Additionally, no puppies were kicked, no old ladies were tripped, no geese were anesthetized and diapered, and no short-timers were terminated. Reverse osmosis is not mentioned once in this entire book.
CHAPTER 0
Growing nervous due to the lateness of the hour, and not having heard any sounds emanating from the room, the secret service agents rap on the door of the presidential suite. No answer. They wait a few seconds, and knock again, louder this time. Still no answer. “Mr. President!” the lead agent yells, his ear to the door. Even still, there is no answer.
The two agents look at each other, silently agree on the necessary course of action, and take three steps back. Counting down together--3, 2, 1--they rush the door, battering it down with their iron-pumped shoulders. Bursting into the room, they call out again for the President. As before, there is no reply. While one agent looks under the bed, the other inspects the bathroom. No one is there.
“Sound the alarm!” the lead agent barks, and his partner runs out to the hallway and flips the switch. The pair then rush into the Oval Office. But the President is not there, either. They do discover an unusual sight, though: a video camera is set up in the middle of the room, aimed at the President's favorite chair. On the stand next to the chair sits an empty beer bottle and a plate.
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You can listen to this chapter here:
the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle is being serialized daily here on substack during the summer of 2021 (late June to early September). This is the book’s synopsis:
'the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle' is a picaresque satire that traces its literary lineage back to 'Don Quixote', 'Huckleberry Finn', and 'A Confederacy of Dunces'. Through the protagonist's zany antics, it pokes fun at the 'get rich quick' and 'get rich by any means possible' philosophies prevalent in today's society.
Warble McGorkle, the protagonist, considers himself a genius. In reality, he is a jumble-headed, paranoid megalomaniac. My novel is the (somewhat darkly) humorous account of his meteoric rise from drifter to President of the United States. Warble and his wife Mary crisscross the U.S.A. at breakneck speed, as Warble endeavors to stay one step ahead of pursuers (most of them imaginary). Everywhere he and Mary go, Warble concocts a cockamamie scheme to get fabulously rich and to propel himself to the pinnacle of society, where his fame--so he reasons, anyway--will make him safe from the forces supposedly arrayed against him.
Among several other ventures, Warble: Forms a polka punk band in St. Augustine, Florida; Creates a reality-TV show named 'Bad Boyz Behind Barz', which makes use of webcams in federal penitentiaries; Markets himself as a super-hero, 'The Color-Blind Chameleon', using his manufactured fame to land lucrative endorsement contracts; and founds a biotech firm that produces and sells a pill which transforms the pill ingester's personality.
Finally, after serving a term as governor of the state of Wisconsin, Warble, along with his wife Mary as his Vice Presidential running mate, is elected President of the United States
the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle can be purchased here: