Serialization of the WACKY MISADVENTURES of WARBLE McGORKLE - CHAPTER 2 (of 70)
Warble Plays the Drama King
CHAPTER 2
Warble Plays the Drama King
The server finally turns to Warble and responds, in a neutral voice, “Yes, sir, that most certainly is a muffin.” He wants to say, 'What else would it be? What does it look like? What does it smell like? If it smells like a muffin, looks like a muffin, tastes like a muffin, crumbles like a muffin…'
Warble interrupts the server's contemplations. “OK, then, if you really believe that, I'd like to see you give it the old taste test.”
Warble scoops up the muffin in his free hand and proffers it to the server, practically cramming the muffin into the server's mouth. After a stunned silence, the man replies, “Sir, that is your muffin. Besides, I am not allowed to eat in front of the guests. If you would like, I will gladly replace that muffin with another.”
“Another what?” Warble practically shrieks, half rising up out of his chair. “See! You didn't say another muffin; you just said another--because you have no intention of bringing me a muffin at all. And you are not willing to sample my 'muffin'--because you know. You are in on it, sir; yes, you are. Before you committed the faux pas of not specifying precisely what it was you intended to bring me from the kitchen, you even said 'your muffin'.
“You said, and I quote, 'That is your muffin,' knowing full well that my muffin is decidedly and distinctly different from all the other muffins being served at this establishment this morning.
“Without a shadow of a doubt, I've caught you red-handed. My muffin. And you refuse to taste it. And you declined to swear on a stack of pancakes.”
Just as the manager approaches the table, with the intention of removing the McGorkles with as little fuss as possible, Warble stands up, flapping his burgundy-colored napkin in melodramatic fashion. “Come, my dear,” he tells his wife. “We don't have to remain here to be put upon by these dastardly would-be poisoners and thieves.”
Mary resignedly gets up, sighing, and grabs her purse. Eyes cast down, she follows her husband out the door and onto the street.
“Did I foil them, or what?!” Warble rejoices, as they walk away from the dreaded establishment. “That will teach them to try to pull the wool over old Warble's peepers.”
Mary says nothing, and tries to change the subject in her mind as she and Warble head toward the boat landing.
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You can listen to this chapter here:
the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle is being serialized daily here on substack during the summer of 2021 (late June to early September). This is the book’s synopsis:
NOTE: The second volume is the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle; the third volume (currently in progress, with episodes available on Vella)
is Warble McGorkle’s Delusional Visions of Paradise.
This is the synopsis of the first volume:
the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle is being serialized here on substack during summer 2021 – from late June to early September. This is the book’s synopsis:
'the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle' is a picaresque satire that traces its literary lineage back to 'Don Quixote', 'Huckleberry Finn', and 'A Confederacy of Dunces'. Through the protagonist's zany antics, it pokes fun at the 'get rich quick' and 'get rich by any means possible' philosophies prevalent in today's society.
Warble McGorkle, the protagonist, considers himself a genius. In reality, he is a jumble-headed, paranoid megalomaniac. My novel is the (somewhat darkly) humorous account of his meteoric rise from drifter to President of the United States. Warble and his wife Mary crisscross the U.S.A. at breakneck speed, as Warble endeavors to stay one step ahead of pursuers (most of them imaginary). Everywhere he and Mary go, Warble concocts a cockamamie scheme to get fabulously rich and to propel himself to the pinnacle of society, where his fame--so he reasons, anyway--will make him safe from the forces supposedly arrayed against him.
Among several other ventures, Warble: Forms a polka punk band in St. Augustine, Florida; Creates a reality-TV show named 'Bad Boyz Behind Barz', which makes use of webcams in federal penitentiaries; Markets himself as a super-hero, 'The Color-Blind Chameleon', using his manufactured fame to land lucrative endorsement contracts; and founds a biotech firm that produces and sells a pill which transforms the pill ingester's personality.
Finally, after serving a term as governor of the state of Wisconsin, Warble, along with his wife Mary as his Vice Presidential running mate, is elected President of the United States
the Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle can be purchased here: