SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 26 of 61
The Great Donut Onslaught (Sweetbread Surrender)
Chapter 26
The Great Donut Onslaught (Sweetbread Surrender)
Like the chili, the donuts had also been cooling for some time, and had hardened somewhat—not day-old hard yet, but harder than fresh. Coupled with the fact that they had been prepared by unpracticed hands, and the donuts were not exactly of tender texture to begin with, the fried projectiles achieve their desired effect: the Mexicans are knocked off their feet when struck by them. And there is no escaping the holey disks of dough--it is as if donuts are veritably raining from the sky (these extra-large specimens are, by the way, the original Texas-sized donuts of culinary lore).
And to top it all off (although the donuts had no frosting per sé), the “rain” was coming at the enemy sideways, or leastways at a slightly downward but mostly horizontal angle.
The Mexicans are spun around, bowled over, knocked down, clotheslined, and have their feet taken out from under them by Warble's second wave of ammo.
The shock and awe caused by the nonstop onslaught of donuts gradually wears down the tenacious-but-not-foolishly-so enemy combatants. It is the coup de grâce. Even Santa Anna, who was personally untouched by the barrage of chili and donuts—as he was directing (watching) the battle from a safe distance--could see that all was lost, at least on this day and at this site.
So the Mexican general calls for his orchestra, the Tijuana Brass, to play “Spanish Flee,” their official/unofficial retreat song (they had never retreated before, so it wasn't their official retreat song yet—however, they liked it so much, they sometimes looked for opportunities to retreat in subsequent martial engagements just so they could prance merrily to the catchy tune).
Soundtrack Note: Isn't it obvious?
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Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Sunday and Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.
You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author’s alter ego, here: