SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 28 of 61
Warble Rolls Out the Red Carpet for the Mexicans
Chapter 28
Warble Rolls Out the Red Carpet for the Mexicans
Once Warble is convinced that the Mexicans are really gone, and not planning some sort of trick for immediate revenge, he sets the men to work on their final details: First, they build a bridge for the Mexicans across the border, along with a box full of validated “carte blanche” green cards (with everything but the names filled out). The purpose of the bridge is so that Santa Anna’s army can bypass the INS booth. The pre-validated green cards are for the unlikely event that the Mexican army is stopped by a self-appointed militiaman or a National Guardsman out on patrol in the desert.
After this “red carpet treatment,” the Texicans think they’ve done more than enough for the Mexicans, but Warble isn’t satisfied yet. He has them blaze a trail through the mesquite, tumbleweeds and bushes, so it will be “like a walk in the park” for the Mexicans as they carry their campaign of revenge to San Jacinto (Warble also leaves maps, and places sign posts along the way, showing which direction and how many miles it is to San Jacinto. The signs say, ‘Welcome Back, Amigos’ and other cheery, chamber-of commercy type stuff like that). As a final touch, Warble has some animal pens and La Quinta Inns built at strategic points along the way, and has the pens stocked with armadillos, chickens, and corn (the critters will live on the corn until the Mexicans arrive), so that Santa Anna’s avengers will be able to keep up their strength and good humor while on their march.
At long last, Warble is content with the arrangements made and the provisions provided.
“It’s all set for you now, boys,” Warble addresses the Texicans, in a stentorian ‘stage’ voice. “I’ve handed you the longed-for and much-desired upcoming defeat on a silver platter. My work here is done, so we will bid you adieu and be on our way. We have other fish to fry, people to save, heroic deeds to perform, etc. etc. ad infinitum ad nauseum. Going to Dallas in a hand basket will now be a trip for the Mexicans to take, not for the chosen people of all time and space, us/we Americans. So long! Good-bye! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! Sayonara! Chowbaby! Beyonce’s Nachos! And, above all: Give my regards to Broadway!”
The team of disparate but conjoined time and space travelers again clamber aboard the Arodnap. Before one can spit and holler howdy, they are over the horizon, angling skyward into the wild blue yonder.
The Texicans watch the strange bunch leave, scratch their heads, look at each other quizzically and bemusedly, shrug, chuckle, and finally tromp off stalwartly on their trek to San Jacinto and sure ignominious defeat (which is, in this case—to Warble’s way of thinking, anyway--actually a victory in disguise for the Ewe-Knighted States).
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Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Sunday and Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.
You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author’s alter ego, here: