SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 22 of 61
Wherein the Patriotic Reader is Saved from an Attack of High Blood Pressure, or Perhaps even a Full-blown Conniption Fit
CHAPTER 22
Wherein the Patriotic Reader is Saved from an Attack of High Blood Pressure, or Perhaps even a Full-blown Conniption Fit
The details on just how Warble tracked, hounded, and trapped George Washington are left out, for your own welfare, gentle reader. Red-blooded, white, true-blue Americans would simply find the tale too difficult to read, for the following reasons: On finding America's first President, Warble tackles him, unceremoniously yanks his wig off his regal head, and chucks it into the bushes; Warble then saws off a piece of one of George’s wooden teeth with the razor blade he always keeps in his back pocket, ties George’s hands behind his back with a modified bungee cord, and then, while straddling him, stuffs the president's mouth full of grass (regular Kentucky Bluegrass, not Cheech & Chong’s – and Willie’s -- preferred variation). Not leaving well enough alone, Warble also breaks Washington's commemorative Franklin Mint sword in half.
As a final indignity, Warble transports Washington to Boston and puts him--in leg irons--on a pea-green boat loaded to the gunwales with whale oil bound for London (the ship is also carrying some coals from the Wyoming fields to Newcastle, but that is neither here nor there).
By not divulging the details of these events, the reader is saved an attack of high blood pressure, or perhaps even a full-blown conniption fit. But there’s no need to profusely thank me, dear reader; just 'pay it forward.'
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Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Sunday and Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.
You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author’s alter ego (or “evil twin”), here: