SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 4 of 61

Warble Gets an Attitude Adjustment

CHAPTER 4

“The Arodnap,” Comfy explains to Warble, “was patterned after—as far as its appearance goes, that is—George Jetson’s space ship.”

Albert, enthused as he is about the machine, can’t help expounding on Comfy’s pitch: “In fact, it’s full name is Arodnap JNG—for Jetsons Next Generation.”

Soundtrack Note: Play the theme song from The Jetsons

Comfy waves Albert to silence, saying, in effect, ‘Let me handle this.’

“And furthermore,” Comfy explains to Warble, “the Arodnap can comfortably carry eight passengers: two in the front, with the pilot’s seat on the left, the control console in the middle, and the “co-pilot’s” seat on the right—although a co-pilot isn’t strictly necessary, as it’s fundamentally an honorary designation; three on the bench seat behind, and three more in the bench seat at the rear of the craft.”

Again Albert can’t control his enthusiasm, which knows no bounds as regards the Arodnap. He just has to tell Warble: “Basically, the Arodnap is flown like a combination airplane/helicopter: it has V.T.O.L. capabilities, like a helicopter, but once hovering at the desired altitude, moves forward like a jet.”

“V.T.O.L.?” Warble asks.

“Oh, excuse my pushy and verbose friend,” Comfy says, making an apologetic gesture with one hand, and whispering to Albert behind his other hand to keep quiet. Facing Warble again, Comfy explains: “V.T.O.L. stands for ‘Vertical Take Off and Landing’--you don’t need a long runway, or any runway, for that matter—you can land anywhere, as the Arodnap has rotatable jets.”

Warble is confused. “All down but nine; set ’em up on the other alley, pard.”

Albert tries to explain it this time: “The jets can be moved from the rear of the Arodnap to the center, or even to the front, allowing you to fly in reverse—something no conventional plane can do.”

“I see,” Warble says, still not understanding.

Comfy perceives that Warble still doesn’t quite get it, regardless of what he claims, so he takes up where Albert left off: “When taking off and landing in V.T.O.L. mode, the jets automatically rotate to the bottom...”

“On this sliding rail,” Albert notes excitedly, proud as can be of the Arodnap and its bleeding-edge features, pointing to the forward terminus of the rail, ending at the craft’s nose.

“Right,” Comfy says, resuming his explanation. “But you, the pilot, don’t have to worry about that. The position of the jets are rotated automatically when you press the “Start” button (to take off) or the “Land” button.”

Albert jumps in again: “Actually, when you do so (press the “Land” button, that is), the jets are first moved to the front, for reverse thrust, to slow down the forward momentum until you are moving neither forward nor backward. When you begin to hove in place, the jets are then rotated to the bottom, and the pressure emanating from the jets is gradually reduced until you touch down.”

“Right,” Comfy again agrees with the mechanic. “So, really, all you have to do to fly this beauty is to press the “Start” button to take off and the “Land” button when you want to come in for a landing. It’s very simple and user-friendly. You steer it exactly as you would a car, using the steering wheel...”

“Yoke,” Albert corrects.

“Whatever,” Comfy says, getting a little miffed at Albert’s constant interruptions and corrections. “And, you control your speed and rate of acceleration using this lever here,” he adds, pointing to the handle between the two front seats which looks more or less like a car’s “gear shift.”

“You can think of it as a sort of gas pedal,” Comfy explains to Warble. Albert rolls his eyes and grunts, obviously disagreeing. Comfy fixes Albert with a stare and repeats:

“It is basically like a gas pedal, isn’t it, Albert?”

Albert shrugs. “You could say that,” he admits, “but rather than operating on a graduated continuum, it has eleven click-levels, and once you let your hand off of it, the Arodnap will remain at the corresponding TPM.”

Comfy gives Albert a dirty look. He knows what TPM stands for, but he doesn’t want to confuse the potential customer with arcana like that.

“What’s TPM?” Warble predictably asks.

“Thrusts Per Millisecond,” Albert answers. “It’s how many units of propelling energy are sent through the thrusters, or the jets.”

“So it’s basically speed, or miles per hour?” Warble asks, sure he’s got it and wanting to impress Albert and Comfy with his quick understanding of the details.

“That’s right” and “Not exactly” Comfy and Albert simultaneously, respectively (if not respectfully, in the latter case) say.

Comfy throws Albert another dirty look. Albert ignores it and goes on: “Actually, your speed is based not just on the TPM setting but also your attitude.”

“What’s my attitude got to do with it?” Warble asks defensively and a little huffily, misunderstanding again, and wondering if Albert is trying to make a fool of him by pulling his leg.

“Not your attitude--the attitude of the Arodnap,” Albert explains.

Warble is more confused than ever and says: “Don’t throw down another chip until I’ve had a look at my cards. What do you mean, ‘the attitude of the Arodnap’? How can an inanimate object have an attitude? You’re not trying to tell me this thing is actually alive, are you?” Warble asks, looking suspiciously at the craft and warily taking a step back.

Comfy elbows Albert aside, and steps between Warble and Albert. “No, not at all,” he explains, gently grabbing the tip of Warble’s elbow and leading him back around to the side of the Arodnap, to a position from which Comfy thinks the craft looks best.

“What Albert means by ‘attitude’ is engineer-speak, or techno-jargon, for the angle of the craft through the air,” he explains, using his right hand as an example, holding fingers and thumb together and pointing straight out from his wrist, raising his hand shoulder-high and changing the position of his hand in relation to the horizon, first angling his hand up, then down, then rolling it to the left and the right.

“Oh, now I get it,” Warble says. “That kind of attitude.”

Soundtrack Note: Play “Attitude Adjustment” by Hank Williams, Jr. 

Comfy adds the final bit of information Warble will need to know to control the craft: “To change the attitude, or pitch, of the Arodnap, pull the steering wheel, or yoke, toward you to pull the nose up and gain altitude, or push it down, into the steering column, to push the nose down and reduce altitude.”

“Just like an airplane,” Warble says, positive he understands this time.

“Just like an airplane,” Comfy echoes. “Now, for the final exciting feature: the Arodnap’s patented (not to mention copyrighted and trademarked) shrinker/deshrinker device.”

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Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.

You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author, here: