SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 34 of 61
Pink Pompadours, Invisible Hair, &c Are Not the Worst Thing That Happens
CHAPTER 34
Pink Pompadours, Invisible Hair, &c Are Not the Worst Thing That Happens
This chapter barely even belongs here, because it's so short and boring, but then again the “Tony, Orlando, and Don/Yellow Ribbon” episode has to be tied up so we can experience the ever-yearned-for 'closure' and move on to the next exciting adventure of our non-feathered friends (or perhaps you just view them as acquaintances—either way, the price of admission remains the same).
The miniaturized trio make their selections: Vanilla Ice (Not the crooner, the snack food) for Tony (who really wanted Boston crème Pie, but was afraid to complain, suspicioning that Warble would be unpredictable in matters of culinary hospitality), Coffee Ice for Orlando, and Cocoa Ice for Don. After having sated themselves on the cool and refreshing desserts, the trio pretend the ingestion of said substance (coupled with meditating on the documents read to them) has altered their plans and personalities for the better.
Warble, prescient judge of character that he is, doubts their sincerity, though. Besides, he wants to go through with his dye jobs come what may. No amount of pleading, cajoling, or promising to be good on the part of the three golfing buddies softens Warble's heart or can get him to change his mind.
Once Warble is through with them, Tony sports a pink pompadour, Orlando has had his hair dyed invisible (so that it looks as if he is bald), and Don's “do” is in the shape of a map of the Cayman Islands, in “a tasteful turquoise and an iridescent fuchsia,” as Warble describes it.
This is more than the fashion-conscious multi-millionaires can take. They pleadingly promise to be nice, repent of their wicked ways and intentions, and forego any yellowing of America. Warble finally graciously accepts their pledges, and lets them out of the bottle.
Following handshakes, hugs, and promises to keep in touch all around, the relieved trio are released back into the 'wild' by our cast of characters.
Oh, one final thing: First, of course (prior to their release) the trio go through the MC/D treatment again, which serves to decompress them, returning them to their normal size. As has been noted, though, using the MC/D on humans was an untested feature, and a few minor glitches do result. Although not obvious at first, it later becomes apparent that each of the three 'guinea pigs' has lost something 'in the translation' from normal size to puny and then back again, namely:
Tony has lost his sense of balance; Orlando has lost his sense of decorum; and Don has lost his sense of humor.
As an indirect result of that triple tragedy, they never play golf together again.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Sunday and Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.
You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author’s alter ego, here: