SERIALIZATION OF “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” – Chapter 2 of 61

The Reverse Rachel Carson

CHAPTER 2 - The Reverse Rachel Carson

“You? A philanthropist?” Mary questions, having a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept.

“Yes, Mary. My mind is made up, like a bed at the Paris Hilton around 11:00 a.m. or so,” Warble affirms.

Now that Warble is rich as Croesus, he wants fame. While it’s true that he has fame--of a sort and after a fashion--Warble realizes that he is really more infamous than famous. As nice as he once considered that to be, he’s no longer quite satisfied with it. He wants respect, admiration--even reverence.

So, Warble’s plan is to work things out so that his genius is recognized as altruism, not cynical selfishness or greedy-guts capitalism (as he knows some people think and, in fact, have explicitly charged). In short, Warble wants to become famous for saving the world.

In actuality, Warble thinks things are going just swell in the year 2024—the rich are getting richer, unused land in the countryside is being made productive by paving it over, and thus all birds (having no longer any habitat) are being made extinct. Warble thinks this latter situation is “a good thing,” because as a direct result thereof there will be no more:

--Bird flu

--Bird poop (pigeons in the cities, seagulls at the beach, as well as geese in the parks will no longer plague their unfeathered friends and benefactors with their copious offscourings)

--Roosters rudely awakening gentlemen farmers (rich guys who live on farms in the country but don’t do any real farm work themselves).

Soundtrack note: “Big Yellow Taxi” by Joni Mitchell and/or Counting Crows

Additionally, as Warble sees it, eradicating all birds has a side benefit: Parents will only have to discuss bees with their kids, saving half the time and trouble. This will give parents everywhere more time and energy to give attention to the important announcements from sponsors on television shows.

Warble’s only problem with the way things are going in the world is that he is so excited about future prospects that he is impatient to see the eventual fruition, the natural outworking, of matters. Specifically, Warble can hardly wait for the complete eradication of “unused” land, and the shifting of all material things from the inefficient poor classes to the fitter, stronger, wiser, more intelligent wealthy segment of society.

So, seeing great things ahead, but being unwilling to wait for their gradual appearance, Warble decides to help things along a little by going back in time to implement the positive trends early, so that progress toward his heart’s desire can be arrived at more quickly. This way, he thinks, he can eventually return “home” to 2024, and live in a world that will already be in a perfect state of balance—something he thinks would otherwise take perhaps another century or so to reach.

Soundtrack note: “Born on the Wrong Side of Time” by Taste

As a means to further his ends, Warble wants to speed up, among other things:

--Globalization

--The forced extinction of all “non-productive” animals

--Genetic Manipulation (so everyone can be like him, creating a master human race)

It may very well be, if you are familiar with Warble’s quirks and foibles (in other words, his psychopathic personality, megalomaniacal methods, and his nerdy nature), that none of this surprises you much. Except maybe the time travel element—how does Warble intend to be able to go back in time in order to manipulate events?

The next chapter will tell you all about that, so turn the page already.

Soundtrack note: “Turn the Page” by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band

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Blackbird Crow Raven’s “the Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle” is being serialized in this space each Thursday; it is also available in its entirety from here.

You can listen to the recording of this excerpt, by the author, here: