Sundays with Mark Twain — (1899 - 1901)
Sundays with Mark Twain #96
1899
1899.1.781) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: The janitor came in again and shouted: “It is not Mrs. John Smith! It is Mrs. John Jones!”
Then all the Mrs. Jones got up and left. Once more the speaker started, and was in the midst of the sentence when he was interrupted again, and the result was that the lecture was not delivered. But the lecturer interviewed the janitor afterward in a private room, and of the fragments of the janitor they took “twelve basketsful.”
Scripture: And they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments, and of the fishes. – Mark 6:43
Work; Date: Speech to the Whitefriars; June 20, 1899
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3188/3188-h/3188-h.htm#link2H_4_0094
1899.2.782) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: We have all thoughtfully - or unthoughtfully - read the pathetic story of the years of plenty and the years of famine in Egypt, and how Joseph, with that opportunity, made a corner in broken hearts, and the crusts of the poor, and human liberty - a corner whereby he took a nation’s money all away, to the last penny; took a nation’s livestock all away, to the last hoof; took a nation’s land away, to the last acre; then took the nation itself, buying it for bread, man by man, woman by woman, child by child, till all were slaves; a corner which took everything, left nothing; a corner so stupendous that, by comparison with it, the most gigantic corners in subsequent history are but baby things, for it dealt in hundreds of millions of bushels, and its profits were reckonable by hundreds of millions of dollars, and it was a disaster so crushing that its effects have not wholly disappeared from Egypt to-day, more than three thousand years after the event.
Scripture: And there was no bread in all the land; for the famine was very sore, so that the land of Egypt and all the land of Canaan fainted by reason of the famine. And Joseph gathered up all the money that was found in the land of Egypt, and in the land of Canaan, for the corn which they bought: and Joseph brought the money into Pharaoh’s house. And when money failed in the land of Egypt, and in the land of Canaan, all the Egyptians came unto Joseph, and said, Give us bread: for why should we die in thy presence? for the money faileth. And Joseph said, Give your cattle; and I will give you for your cattle, if money fail. And they brought their cattle unto Joseph: and Joseph gave them bread in exchange for horses, and for the flocks, and for the cattle of the herds, and for the asses: and he fed them with bread for all their cattle for that year. When that year was ended, they came unto him the second year, and said unto him, We will not hide it from my lord, how that our money is spent; my lord also hath our herds of cattle; there is not ought left in the sight of my lord, but our bodies, and our lands: Wherefore shall we die before thine eyes, both we and our land? buy us and our land for bread, and we and our land will be servants unto Pharaoh: and give us seed, that we may live, and not die, that the land be not desolate. And Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh; for the Egyptians sold every man his field, because the famine prevailed over them: so the land became Pharaoh’s. – Genesis 47:13-20
Work; Date: Concerning the Jews; September, 1899
Source: https://sourcebooks.fordham.edu/mod/1898twain-jews.asp
1899.3.783) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: “What has become of the Golden Rule?” It exists, it continues to sparkle, and is well taken care of. It is Exhibit A in the Church’s assets, and we pull it out every Sunday and give it an airing. But you are not permitted to try to smuggle it into this discussion, where it is irrelevant and would not feel at home. It is strictly religious furniture, like an acolyte, or a contribution-plate, or any of those things. It has never been intruded into business; and Jewish persecution is not a religious passion, it is a business passion.
Scripture: Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. – Matthew 7:12
Work; Date: Concerning the Jews; September, 1899
Source: https://sourcebooks.fordham.edu/mod/1898twain-jews.asp
1899.4.784-786) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: I will quote her own words, from her Key to the Scriptures: ‘The twelfth chapter of the Apocalypse has a special suggestiveness in connection with this nineteenth century.’ There—do you note that? Think—note it well.”
“But—what does it mean?”
“Listen, and you will know. I quote her inspired words again: ‘In the opening of the Sixth Seal, typical of six thousand years since Adam, there is one distinctive feature which has special reference to the present age. Thus:
“‘Revelation xii. I. And there appeared a great wonder in heaven—a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars.’
“That is our Head, our Chief, our Discoverer of Christian Science—nothing can be plainer, nothing surer. And note this:
“‘Revelation xii. 6. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she had a place prepared of God.’
“That is Boston. I recognize it, madam. These are sublime things, and impressive; I never understood these passages before; please go on with the—with the—proofs.”
“Very well. Listen:
“‘And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud; and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire. And he held in his hand a little book.’
“A little book, merely a little book—could words be modester? Yet how stupendous its importance! Do you know what book that was?”
“Was it—”
“I hold it in my hand—Christian Science!”
Scripture: And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars: – Revelation 12:1
Scripture: And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days. – Revelation 12:6
Scripture: And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire: And he had in his hand a little book open: – Revelation 10:1,2a
Work; Date: Christian Science and Mrs. Eddy; October, 1899
Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3187/3187-h/3187-h.htm
1899.5.787) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Hear our Founder’s eloquent words: ‘Then will a voice from harmony cry, “Go and take the little book: take it and eat it up, and it shall make thy belly bitter; but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey.” Mortal, obey the heavenly evangel. Take up Divine Science. Read it from beginning to end. Study it, ponder it. It will be, indeed, sweet at its first taste, when it heals you; but murmur not over Truth, if you find its digestion bitter.’
Scripture: And the voice which I heard from heaven spake unto me again, and said, Go and take the little book which is open in the hand of the angel which standeth upon the sea and upon the earth. And I went unto the angel, and said unto him, Give me the little book. And he said unto me, Take it, and eat it up; and it shall make thy belly bitter, but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey. – Revelation 10:8,9
Work; Date: Christian Science and Mrs. Eddy; October, 1899
Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3187/3187-h/3187-h.htm
1899.6.788) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Mrs. Richards sat down, gently quivering with excitement, and was soon lost in thinkings—after this pattern: “What a strange thing it is! . . . And what a fortune for that kind man who set his bread afloat upon the waters! . . . If it had only been my husband that did it!—for we are so poor, so old and poor! . . .” Then, with a sigh—“But it was not my Edward; no, it was not he that gave a stranger twenty dollars.
Scripture: Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. – Ecclesiastes 11:1
Work; Date: The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg; December, 1899
Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1213/1213-h/1213-h.htm
1899.7.789) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: His wife sat brooding, with a drawn face, and did not seem to be aware that she was alone. Now and then she murmured, “Lead us not into t . . . but—but—we are so poor, so poor! . . . Lead us not into . . . Ah, who would be hurt by it?—and no one would ever know . . . Lead us . . . ” The voice died out in mumblings.
Scripture: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. – Matthew 6:13
Work; Date: The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg; December, 1899
Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1213/1213-h/1213-h.htm
1899.8.790) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: I am a disappointed man. Your honesty is beyond the reach of temptation. I had a different idea about it, but I wronged you in that, and I beg pardon, and do it sincerely. I honour you—and that is sincere too. This town is not worthy to kiss the hem of your garment. Dear sir, I made a square bet with myself that there were nineteen debauchable men in your self-righteous community. I have lost. Take the whole pot, you are entitled to it.
Scripture: And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment: – Matthew 9:20
Work; Date: The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg; December, 1899
Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1213/1213-h/1213-h.htm
1899.9.791) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Two hours later, at dinner, when quite other matters were being discussed, he told how he happened along once just in the nick of time to do a great service for a family who were old friends of his. The head of it had suddenly died in circumstances and surroundings of a ruinously disgraceful character. If known the facts would break the hearts of the innocent family and put upon them a load of unendurable shame. There was no help but in a giant lie, and he girded up his loins and told it.
Scripture: Then he said to Gehazi, Gird up thy loins, and take my staff in thine hand, and go thy way: if thou meet any man, salute him not; and if any salute thee, answer him not again: and lay my staff upon the face of the child. – 2 Kings 4:29
Work; Date: My First Lie and How I Got Out Of It; December 10, 1899
Source: https://americanliterature.com/author/mark-twain/short-story/my-first-lie-and-how-i-got-out-of-it
1900
1900.1.792,793) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: A little girl wrote me from New Zealand in a letter I received yesterday, stating that her father said my proper name was not Mark Twain but Samuel Clemens, but that she knew better, because Clemens was the name of the man who sold the patent medicine, and his name was not Mark. She was sure it was Mark Twain, because Mark is in the Bible and Twain is in the Bible.
Scripture: Only Luke is with me. Take Mark, and bring him with thee: for he is profitable to me for the ministry. – 2 Timothy 4:11
Scripture: Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. – Isaiah 6:2
Work; Page: Reading-Room Opening; October 13, 1900
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3188/3188-h/3188-h.htm#link2H_4_0051
1900.2.794,795) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Privately speaking, this is a sordid and criminal war, and in every way shameful and excuseless. Every day I write (in my head) bitter magazine articles about it, but I have to stop with that. For England must not fall; it would mean an inundation of Russian and German political degradations which would envelop the globe and steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night and slavery which would last till Christ comes again.
Scripture: I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him: his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed. -- Daniel 7:13,14
Scripture: And as they heard these things, he added and spake a parable, because he was nigh to Jerusalem, and because they thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear. He said therefore, A certain nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom, and to return. -- Luke 19:11,12
Work; Date: Letter to W. D. Howells; January 25, 1900
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3196/3196-h/3196-h.htm
1900.3.796) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: We must judge of a city, as of a man, by its external appearances and by its inward character. In externals the foreigner coming to these shores is more impressed at first by our sky-scrapers. They are new to him. He has not done anything of the sort since he built the tower of Babel.
Scripture: And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter. And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. ... Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth. -- Genesis 11:1-4,9
Work; Date: Speech “Municipal Government”; December 6, 1900
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3188/3188-h/3188-h.htm#link2H_4_0032
1901
1901.1.797) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: We are all creatures of sudden impulse. We must be worked up by steam, as it were. Get them to write their wills now, or it may be too late by-and-by. Fifteen or twenty years ago I had an experience I shall never forget. I got into a church which was crowded by a sweltering and panting multitude. The city missionary of our town -- Hartford -- made a telling appeal for help. He told of personal experiences among the poor in cellars and top lofts requiring instances of devotion and help. The poor are always good to the poor. When a person with his millions gives a hundred thousand dollars it makes a great noise in the world, but he does not miss it; it’s the widow’s mite that makes no noise but does the best work.
Scripture: And he looked up, and saw the rich men casting their gifts into the treasury. And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast in more than they all: For all these have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had. -- Luke 21:1-4
Work; Date: Speech “Votes for Women”; January 20, 1901
Source: http://www.edchange.org/multicultural/speeches/twain_votes.html
1901.2.798) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: The Bell bill limitations would drive the osteopaths out of the State. Oh, dear me! when you drive somebody out of the State you create the same condition as prevailed in the Garden of Eden.
You want the thing that you can’t have. I didn’t care much about the osteopaths, but as soon as I found they were going to drive them out I got in a state of uneasiness, and I can’t sleep nights now.
I know how Adam felt in the Garden of Eden about the prohibited apple. Adam didn’t want the apple till he found out he couldn’t have it, just as he would have wanted osteopathy if he couldn’t have it.
Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh no.
Scripture: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. -- Genesis 3:3
Work; Date: Speech “Osteopathy”; February 27, 1901
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3188/3188-h/3188-h.htm#link2H_4_0065
1901.3.799) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: He answered, assenting. I arrived promptly, and kept a chair warm until half-past two. I left then, and shook the dust of that place from my shoes for good and all.
Scripture: And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. -- Matthew 10:13,14
Work; Date: Two Little Tales; November, 1901
Source: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays: 1891-1910
1901.4.800) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: The newspaper-and-politician-manufactured patriot often gags in private over his dose; but he takes it, and keeps it on his stomach the best he can. Blessed are the meek.
Scripture: Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. -- Matthew 5:5
Work; Date: As Regards Patriotism; c. 1901
Source: http://quanta-gaia.org/MarkTwain/patriotism.html
1901.5.801) Quote, Reference, or Allusion:
In a sordid slime harmonious Greed was born in yonder ditch, With a longing in his bosom—and for others’ goods an itch.
As Christ died to make men holy, let men die to make us rich—
Our god is marching on.
Scripture: Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ... For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. -- Romans 5:1,2,6
Work; Date: Extract from Battle Hymn of the Repubic (Brought Down to Date); c. 1901
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battle_Hymn_of_the_Republic,_Updated#Lyrics
1901.6.802) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: A person of vast consequences can introduce any kind of novelty in dress and the general world will presently adopt it-moved to do it, in the first place, by the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority, and in the second place by the human instinct to train with the multitude and have its approval. An empress introduced the hoopskirt, and we know the result. A nobody introduced the bloomer, and we know the result. If Eve should come again, in her ripe renown, and reintroduce her quaint styles-well, we know what would happen. And we should be cruelly embarrassed, along at first.
Scripture: And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. -- Genesis 3:7
Work; Date: Corn Pone Opinions; 1901
Source: https://msboas.weebly.com/uploads/5/8/1/9/58190903/corn_pone_opinions.pdf
