Sundays (Friday for this Final Installment) with Mark Twain — (1908 - 1910 and Undated Quotes)

Sundays with Mark Twain #101 (The Last in the Series, including a Denouement)

Jul 19, 2024

1908

1908.1.901) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: I judge it was about a couple of weeks or so after this that I dropped old Sandy McWilliams a note one day—it was a Tuesday—and asked him to come over and take his manna and quails with me next day; and the first thing he did when he stepped in was to twinkle his eye in a sly way, and say,—

“Well, Cap, what you done with your wings?”
Scripture: I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God. And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host. And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground. And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the LORD hath given you to eat.-- Exodus 16:12-15
Work; Date: Extract from Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven; December 1907 and January 1908
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1044/1044-h/1044-h.htm

1908.2.902) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Oh, there are a lot of such things that people expect and don’t get. For instance, there’s a Brooklyn preacher by the name of Talmage, who is laying up a considerable disappointment for himself. He says, every now and then in his sermons, that the first thing he does when he gets to heaven, will be to fling his arms around Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and kiss them and weep on them. There’s millions of people down there on earth that are promising themselves the same thing. As many as sixty thousand people arrive here every single day, that want to run straight to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and hug them and weep on them. Now mind you, sixty thousand a day is a pretty heavy contract for those old people. If they were a mind to allow it, they wouldn’t ever have anything to do, year in and year out, but stand up and be hugged and wept on thirty-two hours in the twenty-four. They would be tired out and as wet as muskrats all the time. What would heaven be, to them? It would be a mighty good place to get out of—you know that, yourself. Those are kind and gentle old Jews, but they ain’t any fonder of kissing the emotional highlights of Brooklyn than you be. You mark my words, Mr. T.’s endearments are going to be declined, with thanks.
Scripture: I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living. -- Matthew 22:32
Work; Date: Extract from Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven; December 1907 and January 1908
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1044/1044-h/1044-h.htm

1908.3.903) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: I went further, and said I couldn’t call to mind a written law of any kind that had been promulgated in any age of the world in any status book or any Bible for the regulation of man’s conduct in any particular, from assassination all the way up to Sabbath-breaking, that wasn’t a violation of the law of Nature—which I regarded as the highest of laws, the most peremptory and absolute of all laws—Nature’s laws being in my belief plainly and simply the laws of God, since He instituted them—He and no other—and the said laws, by authority of this divine origin taking precedence of all the statutes of man.
Scripture: Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death. -- Exodus 35:2
Work; Date: Autobiographical Dictation of January 13, 1908
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1908.4.904) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: I said I was in the common habit, in private conversation with friends, of revealing every private opinion I possessed relating to religion, politics, and men but that I should never dream of printing one of them, because they are individually and collectively at war with almost everybody’s public opinion, while at the same time they are in happy agreement with almost everybody’s private opinion. As an instance, I asked her if she had ever encountered an intelligent person who privately believed in the Immaculate Conception—which of course she hadn’t; and I also asked her if she had ever seen an intelligent person who was daring enough to publicly deny his belief in that fable and print the denial.
Scripture: Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS. -- Matthew 1:18-25
Work; Date: Autobiographical Dictation of January 13, 1908
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1908.5.905) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Next is Jean Spurr, aged thirteen the 14^th of last March, and of such is the kingdom of Heaven.
Scripture: But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. -- Matthew 19:14
Work; Date: Autobiographical Dictation of April 17, 1908
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1908.6.906) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: ...Bermuda’s charms and graciousnesses were free and common and unrestricted,--like the rain, you know, which falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain’s affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly upon the just, but whenever I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors I would drown him.
Scripture: That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. -- Matthew 5:45
Work; Date: Autobiographical Dictation of April 17, 1908
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1908.7.907) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Halstead was editor and proprietor of the Cincinnati Enquirer, and was sitting at his editorial desk at midnight, high up in the building, when a mighty explosion occurred, close by, which rocked the building to its foundations and shivered all its glass, and before Halstead had time to reflect and not let the explosion excite him, he had sailed down six flights of stairs in thirty-five seconds and was standing panting in the street trying to say “Thy will be done,” and deadly afraid that that was what was going to happen. But nothing happened, and from that time forth he had been an emancipated man, and now for a whole week had been making up for ten years’ lost time, hunting for excitements and devouring them like a famished person.
Scripture: Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. -- Matthew 6:10
Work; Date: Autobiographical Dictation of July 7, 1908
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1908.8.908,909) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: The “largest visible influence.”

These terms require you to add Jesus. And they doubly and trebly require you to add Satan. From A.D. 350 to A.D. 1850 these gentlemen exercised a vaster influence over a fifth part of the human race than was exercised over that fraction of the race by all other influences combined. Ninety-nine hundredths of this influence proceeded from Satan, the remaining fraction of it from Jesus. During those 1500 years the fear of Satan and Hell made 99 Christians where love of God and Heaven landed one.
Scripture: Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. -- Matthew 28:19,20
Scripture: And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. -- Revelation 12:9
Work; Date: Letter to uknown recipient; August 28, 1908
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3198/3198-h/3198-h.htm

1909

1909.1.910) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Mamma, if a person by the name of Jones kills a person by the name of Smith just for amusement, it’s murder, isn’t it, and Jones is a murderer?

Yes, my child.

And Jones is punishable for it?

Yes, my child.

Why, mamma?

Why? Because God has forbidden homicide in the Ten Commandments, and therefore whoever kills a person commits a crime and must suffer for it.
Scripture: Thou shalt not kill. -- Exodus 20:13
Work; Date: Little Bessie; 1908 & 1909
Source: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Little_Bessie

1909.2.911) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: [“B” is Bessie, and “M” is Mama]

B, (eagerly). So then Mr. Hollister was right, after all. He says the Virgin Mary isn’t a virgin any more, she’s a Has Been. He says --

M. It is false! Oh, it was just like that godless miscreant to try to undermine an innocent child’s holy belief with his foolish lies; and if I could have my way, I --

B. But mama, -- honest and true -- is she still a virgin -- a real virgin, you know?

M. Certainly she is; and has never been anything but a virgin -- oh, the adorable One, the pure, the spotless, the undefiled!

B. Why, mama, Mr. Hollister says she can’t be. That’s what he says. He says she had five children after she had the One that was begotten by absent treatment and didn’t break anything and he thinks such a lot of child-bearing, spread over years and years and years, would ultimately wear a virgin’s virginity so thin that even Wall street would consider the stock too lavishly watered and you couldn’t place it there at any discount you could name, because the Board would say it was wildcat, and wouldn’t list it. That’s what he says. And besides --

M. Go to the nursery, instantly! Go!
Scripture: Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence then hath this man all these things? -- Matthew 13:55,56
Work; Date: Little Bessie; 1908 & 1909
Source: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Little_Bessie

1909.3.912) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: You notice that these recent perturbations are considered remarkable because they perturbate through three seconds of arc, but really that is nothing: often I used to perturbate through as much as half an hour if it was a dog that was attending to the perturbating. There isn’t any Neptune that can outperturbate a dog; and I know, because I am not speaking from hearsay. Why, if there was a planet two hundred and fifty thousand “Light-years” the other side of Neptune’s orbit Professor Pickering would discover it in a minute if it could perturbate equal to a dog. Give me a dog every time, when it comes to perturbating. You let a dog jump out at you all of a sudden in the dark of the moon, and you will see what a small thing three seconds of arc is: the shudder that goes through you then would open the seams of Noah’s Ark itself, from figurehead to rudder post, and you would drop that melon the same as if you had never had any but just a casual interest in it.
Scripture: Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. -- Genesis 6:14
Work; Date: The New Planet; January 30, 1909
Source: https://nonsenselit.com/2016/11/09/mark-twain-the-new-planet-illustrated-by-peter-newell/

1909.4.913) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: As to that “Noah’s Ark” book, I began it in Edinburgh in 1873;—[This is not quite correct. The “Noah’s Ark” book was begun in Buffalo in 1870.] I don’t know where the manuscript is now. It was a Diary, which professed to be the work of Shem, but wasn’t.
Scripture: And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread. -- Genesis 9:18,19
Work; Date: Notes written at “Stormfield” [his home near Redding, Connecticut] on April 3, 1909
Source: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3196/3196-h/3196-h.htm

1909.5.914) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: To every man & woman in this region they were a pair of transparent rascals, but to me they were worthy of the Kingdom of heaven—may they soon land there! Everybody was laughing at me, but I didn’t know it.
Scripture: Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. -- Matthew 7:21
Work; Date: “Ashcroft-Lyons Manuscript”; c. Summer 1909
Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 3

1910

1910.1.915) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: Necessarily the scene of the real turning-point of my life (and of yours) was the Garden of Eden. It was there that the first link was forged of the chain that was ultimately to lead to the emptying of me into the literary guild. Adam’s TEMPERAMENT was the first command the Deity ever issued to a human being on this planet. And it was the only command Adam would NEVER be able to disobey. It said, “Be weak, be water, be characterless, be cheaply persuadable.” The latter command, to let the fruit alone, was certain to be disobeyed.
Scripture: And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. – Genesis 2:16,17
Work; Date: The Turning Point of My Life; February, 1910
Source: http://www.online-literature.com/twain/1324/

UNDATED

Unknown Year.1.916) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: They drove us from the Garden with their swords of flame, the fierce cherubim. And what had we done? We meant no harm.
Scripture: Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life. -- Genesis 3:23,24
Work; Date: Eve Speaks; Date unknown
Source: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays: 1891-1910

Unknown Year.2.917,918) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: It is a day and a night, now, that he has slept. We found him by his altar in his field, that morning, his face and body drenched in blood. He said his eldest brother struck him down. Then he spoke no more and fell asleep. We laid him in his bed and washed the blood away, and were glad to know the hurt was light and that he had no pain; for if he had had pain he would not have slept.
Scripture: And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground. -- Genesis 4:8-10
Scripture: Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well. -- John 11:12
Work; Date: Eve Speaks; Date unknown
Source: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays: 1891-1910

Unknown Year.3.919) Quote, Reference, or Allusion: The rain is famous for falling on the just and unjust alike, but if I had the management of such affairs I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust out doors I would drown him.
Scripture: That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. – Matthew 5:45
Work; Date: My Father, Mark Twain by Clara Clemens; 1931
Source: My Father, Mark Twain

DENOUEMENT

Samuel Langhorne Clemens (“Mark Twain”) died at sunset on the 21^st of April, 1910; his final words, as recounted by his daughter Clara, could be viewed as an allusion to the Bible’s promise of a future life, when he said to her with his dying breath, “Goodbye, dear, if we meet--”