CHAPTER 42
The Captain was still suffering sharp pain and missing the piece of his ear that had been clipped off. Being a proud military man, and determined to carry out his duty, he drew his sword from its scabbard and said, “I will defeat you yet! You are merely an impediment and a nuisance. I will order my men back to the ship, but not to leave — to bring the cannons from the ships to blast you all to smithereens!”
“If you try that, we will be forced to unleash our friends here, Captain. Is that what you want?”
“I don’t believe you have tens of thousands of these beasts. I only see hundreds. You exaggerate!”
“As I tried to tell you already, Captain, this is just the vanguard, the thin edge of the wedge,” Albert said, and again pivoted around. “Third wave, forward!”
This call brought forth Yukyuk, chuckling as usual (which irritated the Captain almost beyond his ability to restrain himself). With her was the group of Hyenas, Camels, Gazelles, Springboks, Impalas, Wildebeests, and Zebras.
The troops behind the Captain were by this time thoroughly unnerved by the uncanny events they were witnessing. All of them were ready and willing, in fact downright eager, to retreat — at least back to their ship, to regroup and reconsider their options.
“Very well; you have an impressive array of dumb beasts,” the captain admitted. “What they will do I don’t know, though. And I don’t think you do, either. If we begin to fire our weapons, they will probably get spooked and flee. We will not be deterred from our duty!”
“I warn you again, Captain; these animals have been drilled and are adroit and indomitable. You would do well to give your king the present of getting his men back, safe and sound. Heed our warning,” Albert told him.
“I will skin those creatures alive, and take their pelts home with me!” the Captain threatened. “They will be turned into dresses for our women, rugs for our floors, and tapestries for our houses!”
“Not likely,” Ward replied to this boast of the Captain’s.
“All right, you’re starting to bore me, Captain,” Alexis said, not interpreting the words of Albert, or Ward, or Warble, but speaking again of her own accord. “Would you like to see all of our team?”
“Who said that?” the Captain demanded.
“I did,” Alexis said, and blinked her eyes.
“I mean, who told the Bird to say that? I didn’t hear any of you men speak!”
“None of us did, Captain,” Albert answered. “Alexis was speaking from her heart.”
“You dare to mock me?!? You dare to lie to an officer of the sovereign kingdom of Belgium!?! I will not only skin the animals, I will skin you men alive, too, and pluck this Bird bald and make it into a tasty soup! She will go well with a nice Chardonnay tonight.”
Lightning-quickly, Alexis darted at the Captain and ripped off another piece of his ear. And again, he was too slow in his attempt to grab her and prevent her from a piecemeal parting out of his person. Filled with rage, he raised his sword, intending to slice Alexis in half.
Although I admit I was getting a bit jealous of Alexis by that time (due to how she seemed to have become the dominant animal among us and the one who was getting what I considered to be my share of Albert’s attention and esteem), I instantly lunged forward and locked my teeth around the Captain’s right kneecap.
The would-be Bird filleter cried out in pain and anger and shifted his attention to me. As his sword began to descend toward my neck, business edge down, Rovette sprang forward and, ramming him in the belly with all the forward momentum and force she could muster, knocked the Captain sprawling backward, causing him to land on the portion of his anatomy where his tail should have been (if humans had tails, that is).
To protect us, Albert quickly had us get behind him, to resume our previous stations.
The Captain jumped to his feet, raging and practically frothing at the mouth.
Albert put out his hand in a warning gesture. “Now hear me, Captain. Lower your sword!”
As the captain hesitated to do so, Rory and Stripes stepped forward, flanking him and growling, displaying their large, razor-sharp teeth. They simultaneously crouched and tensed and flicked their tails, as if choreographed to do so. Their eyes were red, too. The leader of the Belgians looked nervously back and forth at the two big Cats, and then gradually and grudgingly did as he was ordered to do, lowering his sword.
“If you harm one feather on this magnificent Bird, a creature of far greater true value than you appear to be,” Albert told the Captain, pointing at him accusingly and gritting his teeth, “We will visit upon you a combined and magnified force of such ferocity and power that you will barely know what hit you. One feather!” he repeated, holding up his right index finger and shaking it in the Captain’s face.
“And that goes for all of us,” Ward said. “Harm any of us, or any of these animals,” and he swept his arm backward to indicate the whole horde of beasts that had assembled, “And the rest of us will attack you.”
“You have heard of the Three Musketeers, I take it?” Warble said. “Their motto was ‘One for All, and All for One.’ Consider us, the Eco Defenders, to be the Innumerable Musketeers: If you harm any one of us, you will have the rest of us to answer to.”
Albert had calmed down a little by this time. “We will give you one final warning, Captain. If you do not heed it and leave immediately, we will hold nothing back.”
Then Albert turned and, wave by wave, called for the rest of the animals to come forward.
Ocero Puddleby led the terrifying crash of Rhinos, bloat of Hippos, and herd of Cape Buffaloes.
The Belgians were awestruck. Many were literally shaking in their boots. Some had even lost control of their bodily functions, the sights and smells of which caused still others of their fellow soldiers to lose what nerve they had left, and in many cases their breakfast, too. That was not all, though; the show was not over.
Next came Tubthumper and Chumbawumba, leading not only other Elephants (as if two weren’t enough) but also a tower of Giraffes and a troop of Gorillas.
Chumbawumba trumpeted forth, loud enough to be heard from six miles away in every direction of the compass, “I have 100,000 muscles in my trunk alone!”
Alexis gleefully interpreted Chumbawumba’s battle cry into Dutch for the Captain.
The Belgian soldiers were not unimpressed, to put it mildly. Truth be told, the spirit had gone out of them altogether. Even the Captain saw that he did not stand a chance against the forces arrayed against him. That realization did not make him contrite or humble, though. He began to curse Albert, Ward, Warble, the Elephants, the Rhinos, the Hippos, Alexis in particular, and then — he lost another piece of his ear, which was now beginning to look like the edge of a postage stamp.
Although we could already tell that the Belgians were defeated, and that the Captain was simply “letting off steam,” the rest of the animals were paraded forth, too:
Dens of Snakes, basks of Crocodiles, nests of Scorpions, and hordes of Insects followed Terri and Drako.
All of these animals frightened the soldiers — especially the giant Pterodactyl, which they had thought to be extinct — but collectively we were way too much for them. Without waiting for specific orders to do so, all of the soldiers began walking backward, first facing their antagonists, then turning tail and heading back to their ship, picking up speed in their retreat as they went, tripping over each other’s feet and their own, cursing and crying out in fear as they fled.
The Captain was irritated at this lack of order in the ranks, and thought of yelling at his men and ordering them to come back and face the foe, but realized it would do no good — he would have a mutiny on his hands if he tried that. By now dearly wanting to abandon the field himself, he simply let out an exasperated grunt, glared at his opponents, then turned about and followed his men, abandoning the field.
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