Taterskin & The Eco Defenders: Book 2, Chapter 22
Book 2 ("Tell It to Future Generations"), Chapter 22 of 56
CHAPTER 22
“No; we won’t kill them,” Albert said. “We won’t stoop to their level. We will instead make sure they realize the ... impracticality, let’s call it, of continuing with their vile experiments.”
“So, we want to advertise this thing, so to speak, so that people will know what will happen if they pursue the same sort of viciousness,” Alexis said. “I have an idea about that: Let’s give this operation a name, and tip off a photographer we can trust to get some publicity pictures of us that he or she can use as soon as the story breaks.”
I don’t think any of us realized before then that Alexis was not only a gifted linguist and an all-around Bird brainiac, but also a savvy publicity agent. But, at the same time, it probably didn’t exactly shock any of us, either. I wondered how it was that she could pack so much know-how into that walnut-sized brain of hers (but then again, I had never seen her brain; I was guessing its size based on the proportions of her cranium).
“What name are you thinking of giving it, Alexis?” I asked.
“The Million Paw March. We will recruit a quarter of a million of our fellow creatures — naturally, they must be small ones, so that they can all fit into the torture chamber” —
“Torture chamber?” Ravelle asked.
“OK, laboratory,” Alexis said. “Or ‘Experimentation Station.’ We will recruit Squirrels, Raccoons, Opossums, as well as Rabbits, Chipmunks, and so forth. We can have them spread the news of our plans to their extended families and meadowmates. Thus, we will easily amass that many furry friends.”
“How will they get in?” Rovette asked Alexis.
“Some of us would have no problem simply opening the door.”
“Even if it’s locked?” Marmalade wondered.
“Sure; Either one of the Elephants could grab the doorknob with their trunk and give it a yank; as could Ooga, although he would grab it with his prehensile upper limbs, as he has no trunk.”
“Prehensile upper limbs?” Rinky asked.
“Arms,” Alexis clarified. “I think it’s better for Ooga to do it, by night. Even under the cover of darkness, the Elephants might be seen under the streetlamps — or heard, as the sound of their sauntering is not exactly akin to the pitter-patter of tiny feet.”
Tubthumper took umbrage at that, because she considered herself to be adequately adept at sneaking up on people. She didn’t express any objection, though, fearing that if she did, it would lead to allusions to how the earth shook a little when she walked.
“And what about the photo-op? What are you picturing (no pun intended) along those lines?” Albert asked.
“Again, the CM come to the fore. They will garner the most attention. They have ‘The It factor’.”
“What’s ‘The It factor?’” Marmalade asked.
“It is what It is,” Alexis inexplicably replied.
“What is what it is? I mean, What is What What is?” cried Yukyuk. “That makes no sense.”
“It’s inexplicable, my dear Hyena. Some animals have it (It), and others, like you, don’t. Sorry.”
“Hey! What about me?!?” the Pterodactyl said. “You wouldn’t leave the most beautiful flying Lizard that exists in all time and space off our publicity shot, would you? Tell me that you won’t rob me of my promised fifteen minutes of fame.”
“Don’t worry, Terri; you will get way more than the predicted quarter-hour of fame. And yes, you have a striking enough visage that you, along with the CMs, should indeed be featured in the publicity shot. Truth be told, we will all be in it, but only certain ones will be featured. In other words, some of us will be in front, in the limelight, while others are behind, as if photobombing the rest of us.”
“‘Us’?!? You mean you are nominating yourself to be among those featured?” Rinky asked.
“Well, Albert will, as always, be at the forefront, and don’t I perch on his shoulder during these operations of ours? I will just happen to be there, organically,” Alexis explained.
We weren’t so sure about her reasoning, but I think we all recognized that Alexis should indeed be among those receiving the focus of attention (no pun intended). With her talents, intelligence, and expertise, she makes Shelley’s Skylark look like a common barnyard Chicken, or a silly Goose.
Alexis continued, “So this is how I see the picture: With the torture chamber ... er, laboratory ... in the background, it will be, from left to right, Albert and myself, Ooga, Chapawee, Tubthumper and Chumbawumba, Ravelle X, Stripes (with Marmalade on his back, peeking cutely over the top of his head), Ocero, Jowls, Rory, and Jubatus. Yukyuk will stand behind. And, because they are short, or small, Drako, Rinky, and the Dogs will be in front of us, but near the bottom of the picture.”
“Who are you calling ‘short, or small’?” I said. “You’re not exactly a giant, Alexis.”
“What, do you want to stand on Albert’s shoulder, too?” was the Parrot’s response to that. I just groaned and shook my head. Oh well, I figured it didn’t matter much. I realized that we Dogs were the most commonplace of us Animals. All of the others were exotic to one degree or another, but there were Dogs everywhere. None like my Pups, though, I thought. But maybe every parent feels that way about their children.
“Hey! What about me! You said I would be featured,” Terri complained.
“Oh, yes, and Terri will come swooping across the frame as the photographer snaps our group portrait.”
All were more-or-less satisfied with this arrangement, except for Yukyuk, who had a place by herself behind those with ‘The It Factor.’
When the photo was taken, later that day (after the photographer had agreed to keep our presence in Hartford secret until the next day, at which point he could print it in the newspaper to accompany a story that we assured him would be written about us), it appeared as if Yukyuk was indeed photobombing the group: In the picture, she was lifting her head as high as she could, smirking in her cringe-inducing way, and making sure she was seen above Chapawee. Terri also looked kind of goofy in her fly-by, as she tried to display a beguiling grin. Flying Lizards should not try to smile. It doesn’t become them.
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