CHAPTER 41
And so we marched, in formation; that is, according to species. Each team took its place in the train behind Albert & Alexis the Gray Parrot and Warble and Ward. The three men were walking abreast at the forefront, with Alexis perched on Albert’s right shoulder. The rest of us followed, wave by wave, in this order:
Wolves and Ostriches (the flightless infantry force of the Birds), led by Rovette and me
Lions, Leopards and Cheetahs, led by Rory and Stripes, with Marmalade tagging along
Yukyuk leading the Hyenas, Camels, Impalas, Gazelles, Springboks, Wildebeests and Zebras
Ocero Puddleby bringing forth the Rhinos, Hippos, and Cape Buffaloes
Tubthumper, along with her brother Chumbawumba parading forth with the rest of the Elephants, as well as the Giraffes and Gorillas
The rear guard being led by Terri and Drako, with the Snakes, Crocodiles, Bearded Dragons, Scorpions, and a bevy of Insects
Meanwhile, the Dolphins, who had been coached by Albert and Rinky, remained at their observation posts directly below the equator off the coast of west Africa. Rinky paddled along the Congo River inlet between the villages of Soyo and Muanda to keep an eye on the comings and goings of the Belgians and to remain in close contact with the Dolphins.
Last but not least, flying and hovering about or perched on tree branches were all of the Birds that Alexis had coached: not only her fellow Gray Parrots, but also Eagles, Falcons, Cormorants and Vultures, among others.
In addition to them, the massive Insect troops which Drako and Terri had coached were ready and waiting. Most were underground, some were on top of the ground but scarcely visible to those not particularly on the lookout for them, and many were vigilantly biding their time on nearby bushes and trees.
Alexis, the leader of the birds, was not with them, being, as mentioned already, perched on Albert’s right shoulder. She was, so to speak, his “right-shoulder-bird.” Alexis was needed there with the humans because she was going to serve as interpreter, being fluent in not only the English spoken by our humans, but also in French and Flemish (or Dutch), which the Belgians spoke. She was definitely a Bird Brainiac, and in a class by herself — a “one of one.”
In two shakes of a Tiger’s tail, it seemed to me, we arrived at our destination. I smelled the soldiers before any of us walking saw them. Yukyuk smelled them even before I did, going so far as to claim to be able to tell which one was their leader based on his distinctive aroma. Never modest about her sensory abilities, Yukyuk asserted, “I can determine, using only one nostril, the color of a kitten from a mere whiff of its coat.”
Refuting such an extravagant boast seemed a waste of time. Still, I would have to see her actually do it before I would give it credence.
As the bay at Matadi came into view, we saw the Belgians had already disembarked and were on the march in our direction. They hadn’t seen us yet, though. That was good. It was our plan to keep out of sight at first. Albert, Alexis, Ward, and Warble would go forth to parley with their leader. The encroachers would be warned against proceeding in their endeavor and warmly invited to leave the country. If they refused to do so, our first wave would come forth and show itself; then, if necessary, the second wave would march forth, and so on. At some point — so we reckoned — the Belgians would realize the futility of engaging us in battle, and beat a strategic and, we hoped, permanent retreat.
So it was that Albert, with Alexis perched on his shoulder, along with Ward and Warble, approached the man who seemed to be in charge of the army. They guessed who this was based on the gaudiness of his garb and the arrogance of his bearing. They could not identify him by smell, as Yukyuk claimed she could.
As the spokesman for our group, Albert said “Good day” to the man. Alexis translated his greeting into French: “bonne journée.”
The Captain (he was the leader, they had guessed correctly) replied, huffily and obviously impatiently, “Can you not speak Flemish? I do not care to speak French.” His anger over the interruption was such that he scarcely noticed it was the Bird that had spoken to him in French.
“Phlegmish?” Warble said, when the captain’s objection had been interpreted into English. “Maybe if we drink some milk and eat some cheese we can talk phlegmish,” he retorted.
“Flemish is what the Belgians call Dutch, Warble,” Alexis informed him. “He wants us to speak to him in Dutch.”
Alexis then did so. She said ‘Good day’ in Dutch to the captain: “Goedendag.” He brushed it aside with a violent gesture. The rest of the conversation took place by our three humans speaking English (being the only language they knew) and Alexis interpreting it into Dutch for the Captain, and then interpreting the Captain’s Dutch into English for our humans.
“We request you to cease in your designs and return to your ship, Captain,” Albert said.
“Who do you think you are, daring to attempt to order me around, the Captain of the Belgian Expeditionary Forces?”
Pointing first to his right and then to his left, Albert said, “Who do we think we are? We know who we are. You are speaking with Ward Bond Robespierre, Captain, as well as with Warble Poundcake McGorkle. I am Albert Spartacus Joad, and this is my fine feathered Adjutant, Alexis the African Gray Parrot.”
“So what? I’ve never heard of any of you. Not even your Bird, remarkable as it does seem to be.”
“Whether you’ve heard of us before or not doesn’t signify,” Albert said. “We are merely the emissaries, a small vanguard of a mighty host who will persuade you to turn back if you don’t do so voluntarily.”
“Oh?!?” the Captain scoffs. “How do you intend to do that? You and what army?”
Alexis fluffed up her feathers and, staring at the Captain, said of her own accord, “Don’t underthink it, Captain. Pay attention!”
Albert’s response to the Captain’s challenge was to then say, “Behold! Here is part of the army that will force you to retreat.” He pivoted around and shouted, “First wave, forward!” and up trotted Rovette and myself, accompanied by the pack of Wolves and the flock of Ostriches.
Seeing us approach, the Captain stiffened, and his eyes widened. Then he steeled himself, and his nostrils flared. “What is the meaning of this?” he yelled. “If you sic those ravenous, mangy creatures on us, we will kill them all.”
“I don’t think so,” Warble said.
“Don’t you realize that my men, with their guns, can shoot down your pack of Wolves and stupid lap Dogs and preposterous clumsy Birds? You don’t stand a chance. Step aside!”
“You might want to reconsider that,” Ward said. “Albert?”
My best human friend pivoted around again and said, “Second wave, come forward!”
This brought forth Rory, Stripes, and Marmalade. In lockstep with them were bands of Lions, Leopards, and Cheetahs — hundreds of each.
The sight of Marmalade — although large for a kitten — would have made the Captain scoff, but the presence of the Orange Tabby’s companions made him forget all about dismissing this second group of animals.
“What is the meaning of this? Do you not know that I represent the sovereign nation of Belgium!?! We are here under orders of the King, and no motley collection of wild beasts and foreign interlopers will be allowed to stop us!” the Captain seethed.
“Who are you calling a ‘foreign interloper’?” Albert shot back. “Nobody invited you here. If you attack us, you will be faced with these tens of thousands of creatures — a force far more powerful than yours!”
“This must be some sort of a trick! Some sleight of hand, or . . . I think you’re bluffing. This is a mirage, or . . . even if real, these animals are every bit as likely to attack you as they are us,” the Captain claimed, turning red and spitting his words out.
Warble deftly dodged a globule of spittle that came at him from the Captain’s mouth. “Watch it, buster!” he hotly warned.
At this Alexis flew onto the Captain’s head, lifted off his felt tricorne hat, flung it to the ground, made a solid purchase with her claws on the officer’s hair, and bit a small portion of his left ear off — all in less than a second.
The Captain yelped and slapped at his ear, but Alexis was too swift for him. She was already back on Albert’s shoulder by the time the officer located where she had fluttered off to.
“Do you still think this is a mirage, or a trick, Captain?” Albert asked, calmly, crossing his arms. “We mean business. This is a warning. Turn around, get back on your ship, and return from whence you came. And do not come back here. That love bite you were given just now was merely the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Remain belligerent, and a real onslaught will begin.”
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