(photo from unsplash.com by Tim Trad)
It has been said that if you’re not afraid, you’re not paying attention.
While I agree with that, there is a limit on how fearful we should be.
In most things, extremes are to be avoided. To be completely fearless is foolish. It would betray not just a failure to pay attention, but a self-sabotaging delusion. If we don’t fear being burned by a hot stove, we might touch it. If we don’t fear falling off a cliff, carelessness may result in catastrophe.
Some are fearless. Or were. It’s not a sustainable way to live. All normal people are endowed with a fear of heights. It’s not a bug, it’s a feature. If we did not have a fear of heights, we would take unnecessary risks and too often pay the piper for our heedlessness. The increase in broken bones alone would overtax the emergency rooms.
However, to butt up against the opposite edge of the fearless/fearful continuum is also a mistake. If we are fearful, full of fear, the fear we feel could itself be terrifying, possibly even leading to phobophobia (a fear of fear).
This calls to mind FDR’s famous quote where he paraphrased Thoreau: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
It could be that the fear of something is actually worse than the event itself. And often the thing we fear doesn’t happen, anyway. So should we take the advice of Bobby McFerrin (“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”) and be utterly fearless?
Again, extremes are best avoided. When it comes to fear, there is a gradual intensifying of similar emotions: Dread, Fear, Phobia.
When we use the word “Dread,” we’re not usually talking about horrible things that will or might happen. Things we dread are usually more mundane, such as, “I dread Mondays. I have to go back to school/work then” or “I dread Christmas and its ubiquitous faux-cheer caroling.”
Fear, the middle ground, can be healthy, as alluded to earlier. Fear of a hot stove? Good: You won’t touch it. Fear of heights? Good: You won’t be tempted to take that selfie while leaning backward off the Leaning Tower of Pisa or El Capitan.
Fearing things that are highly unlikely is a waste of time and energy, though. I hate flying coach (aka—by me—“chopped-liver class”) because it’s so uncomfortable, but I have no fear of flying. Sure, we might crash, but the chances of that are so minuscule that it does not factor into my decision whether to fly. Even if you sat at home in your La-Z-Boy, you could get brained by a meteor plunging through your roof. But why worry about it? The chances of it happening are astronomical (pun intended).
Now we come to phobias, the most debilitating and serious of the trepidation gradations. What is the difference between a fear and a phobia? The top response to googling:
Fear is a natural emotion that protects people from harm when they face real and imminent danger. A phobia is an excessive fear or anxiety related to specific objects or situations that are out of proportion to the actual danger they present.
So the difference between fear and phobia is that fear is natural and phobias are excessive. Fear of heights: natural. Acrophobia, an amped-up version of that fear, is excessive. It is natural to be cautious when climbing a tall ladder to its utmost limit; to shiver and quake on mounting just the first step of a staircase is, though, cause for seeking professional help.
Let’s return to the middle ground, fear, and quickly discuss a couple more common ones: Fear of failure and FOMO.
For the uninitiated or blissfully uninformed, FOMO stands for “Fear Of Missing Out” and is defined as “Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.”
So it’s a new acronym, but not a new feeling, because people have always had a fear of missing out. Hence, the threat to not be taken to the park unless a chore is completed has sometimes been successful. “That’s not fair!” is often the plaintive cry of one who feels that others are enjoying something that he is missing out on. The only thing new about FOMO is the acronym itself.
What about fear of failure? This can be a problem, because underconfidence can prevent us from even trying something that we are afraid we won’t be able to accomplish satisfactorily. Perhaps we need to remember that falling short and making mistakes are normal outcomes, and can be useful learning experiences. Don’t expect perfection from yourself, and don’t allow anybody else to expect it from you, either.
I say: embrace a certain amount of fear; just don’t take a death grip on it.