Where Did You Come From?
Tune In, Turn On, and Drop Off Your DeoxyriboNucleic Acid to Find Out
As maybe you have been, too, I’ve been both curious and somewhat skeptical about DNA tests being able to determine a person’s origin. Do scientists peer intently into a microscope, see a little critter wearing a kilt and playing a bagpipe, and assign the contributor of the DNA they are examining to the clans of Scotland? Or do they observe a group of teensy-weensy beings wearing Bavarian hats and brewing beer, and then confidently assert, “You, sir, have German blood”?
I don’t know how they do it; it seems like magic to me. Maybe it’s not done quite that way, but instead the white-smocked ones are querying their database for close matches to the goo you sent them, and find that your DNA is strikingly similar to that of Marco Polo and, knowing he was Italian, inform you that you, too, are of the garlic and pasta tribe.
A reason why I’ve been somewhat skeptical about the accuracy of these DNA tests being able to tell you where your family emanated from was a cover article in National Geographic some years back. The author of the piece, a guy so pasty in complexion that he looked like he was constructed of congealed milk, claimed that he — according to the DNA test results he received — was from a tribe in Africa that is three shades darker than obsidian. It seemed like a joke to me; did these people guffaw when he breathlessly revealed to them that he was their long-lost cousin? Surely he had other, more closely-related ancestors, probably from Scandinavia.
My wife wants to take one of the DNA tests, though. It will be interesting to see what it tells her. Based on her maiden name (Flowers) and her mother’s maiden name (Lollar), we’ve always thought she was British, but she could also be Scots, Irish, or a descendant of a family from Spain (many of whom are blonde) who had their name changed from Flores at Ellis Island, or of French immigrants who had been named La Fleur, or who knows what else.
I see that National Geographic (a vendor I wouldn’t have gone with anyway, for the reason stated above) has apparently gotten out of the DNA testing game.
After much wringing of hands, gnashing of teeth, and brow-furrowed and teeth-gritting agonizing over which purveyor of DNA results to use, I decided on AncestryDNA (actually, I just asked a few people who had the tests done of their impression of the company they went with, and googled which one was highest rated and had the most customers, a process which took only a few minutes).
The DNA testing companies will inform you if you have close matches who have previously submitted DNA to them (if you and they have chosen to see and be listed as matches). In this way, some friends of ours located some relatives they didn’t know they had (using 23AndMe). I chose AncestryDNA mainly because they have more customers and thus more likelihood of finding matches (also because Wirecutter says they are the best).
I will update this article when the results are in (they say it takes 4-6 weeks, but sometimes those estimates are very conservative, so that you don’t hound them when the date gets close); we’ll see…
Running Commentary on the State of AncestryDNA-related Events:
Placed the order for the kit on 3/27/23
Received notification that it had been mailed 3/28/23 (I didn't pay the premium to have it rushed to the door as if its arrival was a life-or-death matter, so it will take, according to them, 7-10 business days; IOW, we should expect it between Thursday April 6 and Tuesday April 11, I reckon)
Received the kit on 4/4/23 — not shockingly, a couple of days before I was expecting it.
Mailed the kit back to the white coat cats (and/or chicks) on 4/13/23
My wife received this communique from DNAAncestry on 4/19/23:
May 1st, my wife received this notification:
May 11th, my wife's results are in (earlier than predicted).
As we expected, her blood is mostly from the UK (England, Scotland, Wales, and possibly the Irish part could be considered UK, too — if it's northern Ireland that is, I guess): so 89% UK + Irish, with the other 11% also being European — thus she has no Native American, Asian, etc. blood.
Now I'll have to get mine done, so that we can combine the results, divide them by two, and give our son his results that way. For instance, my Irish might be 30%, making our son 18% (36 / 2).
