Serialization of "Quedly Dake and His Quest to Conquer the Globe" — Chapter 7 of 25
From Book 3 of the Trilogy “Taterskin & The Eco Defenders”
That was a loaded question. OmniMagister answered:
I will take them one at a time: As for the first stratagem, Dake flattered both himself and others —others only when doing so gave him social or political leverage, though. It wasn’t his default reflex or natural inclination to speak well of others. If he considered it advantageous to denigrate others and call them names or malign and slander them (or even if there were no clear benefit but he could see no negative repercussions from it), this was not beneath him, either.
Flattering himself was Dake’s favorite past-time, in fact. He did this by paying for commercials portraying himself in the most exaggeratedly positive light possible (both literally and figuratively, always making sure that his “best side” was toward the camera and the lighting was as, well, flattering as possible). Dake engaged the best audio technicians to ensure that his voice sounded as pleasant as it could, too. These technicians were even able, with their expensive gear and hard-won know-how, to get the frogs out of his throat.
Quedly also paid pitchmen and jingle writers to come up with songs and slogans. The “Quedly Medley” consisted of a musical mosaic of the following ditties: “The Mighty Quedly,” “Quedly’s Our Man,” and “Hats Off to Quedly.”
Some of the slogans his sleazy scribes came up with were:
Dake Fries, But He’s Even Better at His Lies
Dake Is Not Fake
Dake Is Better Than Jake
Dake Is Cooler Than a Lake
Dake Is On The Make (he thought this was a positive thing)
Dake Is No Snake
Dake Is Wide Awake, but not Woke!!!!!
Dake, For Gosh Sakes!
Quedly hired a ghostwriter (Penelope “Puff” Paindexter) to pen his (mostly fictitious) biography; he also had her write negative and inflammatory articles about his opponents, and then paraded these vicious denunciations forth as the gospel truth.
“This guy is horrendous!” Chapawee says. “He needs to be stopped. We should—”
“Yes, especially because of those atrocious jingles of his,” Drako said, while doing a few push-ups. Yukyuk chuckled in agreement.
“Now hold on, Chapawee,” Albert said. “So far, what Dake has done is pretty much what all politicians do. It’s still possible that these dirty tricks of his are to assure a positive outcome.”
“I don’t know,” Ravelle X responded. “A man of such low character should not be allowed to become President of the United States, or even President of the local bowling club.”
Most of us agreed with that. But Albert had adopted Chapawee’s initial view, and strongly felt that we should find out the rest of what Dake did, to determine when and whether we really should intervene.
When OmniMagister noted a long enough pause, it continued with the next item:
Dake also used a large portion of his money to bribe high-ranking officials and other influential people (businessmen, celebrities, and even religious leaders—anybody who could guide, control, or exercise power over the attitudes and actions of others; in other words, the so-called ‘Influencers’). Dake considered it a worthwhile investment in order to assure that he achieve his goals.
“What a cad! What a blatherskite!” Terri sputtered. I gave a little bark in agreement. Others growled, gave their pinions a shake, trumpeted, rumbled, or stamped their feet on the ground. We were ready for action, to engage in a preventive strike against this blight on the earth and enemy of all humankind and animalkind, this impediment to global happiness. But this was not all OmniMagister had to say about him.
The previous chapter can be found here.
The next chapter can be found here.
Book 1 of Taterskin & The Eco Defenders, “Wonders Never Cease,” can be found here.
Book 2 of Taterskin & The Eco Defenders, “Tell It To Future Generations,” can be found here.
Book 3 of Taterskin & The Eco Defenders, “Quedly Dake and His Quest to Conquer the Globe,” can be found here.
